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The Nat Pack: The super fashionable, super mod, super hip family consisting of Nat, Pete, Jakob, Brock, Troy, and Ivy. Like The Rat Pack, only younger, cuter, and not as rich or famous.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Angry Letters

Dear Local Overpriced Store,

While in the midst of my roadshow preparations, I learned that I would be needing some paint.  I was told, dear store, that you were the only place I could buy temper paint.  I was completely wrong.  After purchasing said paint, I saw temper paint at a national craft store.  Not only was the bottle at the other store bigger, they carried more colors, and it was cheaper.  So, each of your small bottles: $2.99.  Their big bottle of the same stuff: $1.99.  Good job, overpriced store.

a good illustration of the small bottles and large bottles

I changed my mind about using temper paint, though, and got something else.  I tried to return the paint to your store the very next day.  That's when you informed me of your store policy: no refunds, only exchanges.  I'm pretty sure you're one of the few stores left in America that has this as part of your policy.  And even though there are other stores with this kind of policy, the cashiers tell the customer as they are purchasing their wares so the customer is not caught off guard, much like I was.  I had no time that day to look around for an exchange, so I took my paint back home.

I ended up using some of the temper paint.  Which, as a side note, does not work very well on cardboard.  And it comes off onto your hands when you have to grab the cardboard.

About a month later, after the roadshow, I went back the hopes of exchanging the paint not used.  The unused paint, by the way, had been sealed up; I hadn't broken the seal, so it was obviously unused.  I went in, and that's when I was informed about your other return policy, of no exchanges after 30 days.  Um, it had been, like, 34 days.  Really, store?  Again, you couldn't have told me at the time of the initial purchase?

To your credit, you have your return policy up on the wall, about 15 feet behind the purchasing counter, on the side so customers have to crane their necks to see it.  It is on a homemade sign, and small enough that I had to squint at it to read it.  Good job, overpriced store.  Needless to say, you need to work on your communication skills and visual aids, and I need to work on my observation skills, or perhaps need to bring binoculars with me.  Also needless to say, I will not be returning to your store.  Thank you for wasting my time and my money.

From,
Disgruntled Paint Purchaser



Dear Expensive Jeans Store,

I used to love your jeans.  They were the only jeans that fit my body well.  They were expensive, but I put up with that because of the fit.  But you've lost your touch, Jeans Store.

When I last bought some of your jeans, I noticed the legs were way too long.  They are also way too thin.  This is Idaho, not Texas-our jeans need to be thicker!  And I think they were so long so you could wear high heels with them.  Again, Jeans Store, know your audience-IDAHO.  We're in snow boots half the year.

I had to hem up the bottoms of the pants.  Also, after I wear them once, they sag in the butt and fall down, so I'm hitching them up constantly.  I guess I should wash them after one wear to keep them from stretching too far, but because they are so expensive I only have 2 of them.  And, it's not like I don't have enough laundry to do.  I should be able to wear them at least twice before washing.

not my butt, but this is what it feels like

Jeans Store, I just don't think the price you charge is worth the "quality" I get any more.  I'm going to have to deal with these pants for a while, until they wear out.  Which, actually, should be soon, because they're so thin-there will be holes in the knees in no time.  After that, I'm going to have to shop elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Cold, Saggy-Bummed Lady



Dear Mean Chiropractor,

I'd like to write and tell you how much your belittling me has meant to me.  My back had been hurting for quite some time.  I had been to your office before, but had been treated by your co-worker, who is quite nice.  I thought maybe you'd be the same, but I was sorely mistaken.

The first time I went in to you, you fixed me up.  My back finally had some relief.  We scheduled a follow-up for the following week.  And this is when you lost me as a customer.

right where my back has been hurting

I had the first appointment after your lunch break.  It was scheduled for an hour before I had to get my son again from preschool, so I thought I had plenty of time.  After waiting 45 MINUTES for you to get back from your lunch break, I had about 2 minutes until needing to leave to get my son.  It's not like I was waiting for you to finish with another patient.  If you don't want to be back on time from lunch, then don't schedule people for that time period.

I informed you that I had to leave soon.  And that's when you started to make snide comments to me about how stat-at-home moms are soooooo busy, as in busy eating bon-bons

I did not appreciate your attitude toward my job as a homemaker and mother.  Maybe your wife (bless her heart) has a maid, and a cook, and a nanny, and a chauffeur, and a dry cleaner, but I don't-I do all of that on my own.  So excuse me for needing you to be prompt for my appointments.  I wasn't late, and you shouldn't be, either.  Common courtesy, man.

Also, could you tell your receptionist to not pull out condescending remarks as well?  After my awful appointment with you, where I got billed $40 for 2 minutes of your oh-so-precious time where you pushed my back right into the original "out" position (causing further appointments/money with a new chiropractor), I received a bill, informing me that I was "late" on my payment.  So I called, and asked if your business had sent a claim to my insurance.  Your receptionist decided to tell me all about my deductible, as if I didn't know.  When in fact, she didn't have the right information.  I don't like to be talked to as if I am a two-year-old.

So, dear chiropractor, if I ever see you again it will be too soon.  And I will never frequent your office again.  This town has about 50 million chiropractors; you'd think that you would be trying your hardest to keep the clients you have.  But apparently that is not your focus; instead it's on 2 hour lunch breaks and belittling housewives.

Always,
"Just" a homemaker



Dear Fridge,

Is it too much to ask of you to work properly?  You are a fridge, and only 6 years old at that.  A few years ago, you started leaking water from the freezer into the fridge portion of your body.  The water would freeze in the back, and drip down onto the bottom of your insides.  I got you fixed.  And then a few months later, I fixed you again.  And again.  And again.

By now, fridge, I could have bought your twin with all the repair cost I have put into you.  Is that what you want, fridge?  To be replaced so easily?

Right now, I'm trying to save up for laser eye surgery.  The last thing I want to do is spend money on either fixing you (again) or replacing you.  So for now, I have to put plastic containers in the back of you to catch your water overflow (which comes from who-knows-where) and emptying it out every other day.



And sometimes, fridge, you have decided to also do the leaky thing in the freezer part of yourself.  Which then makes an ice layer that freezes around all the goods I have in there.  Chipping food out of my freezer isn't the best use of my time, nor would I like it to become a new hobby.  Couldn't you just...work?  Like a normal fridge?  I'm all about quirks and individuality, but I draw a line when you're a menace to my kitchen.

So, fridge, I'll stick it out with you, for now.  But once my eyes are all lasered, it's on.  You're next, pal.

With love,
Annoyed Owner

5 comments:

Mindy H. said...

Why can't the the whole world be honest and helpful and kind? mean, I know that your fridge is part of that whole techonogy axis of evil (the copy machine at my school was just elected vice-president) but the business folks should know better!

lexykay said...

Natalie - PLEASE send out some of these letters (obviously not the fridge one). Seriously! You share common opinions that need to be heard! Especially the chiropractor guy!!

Mosers said...

sounds like Porters... had issues at that store myself... oh and I love my chyropractor... hope it isn'the same one.. patric mayo on 17th street. I always leave feeling better!

jomama said...

i agree with lexykay, you should send the top three letters! that would be great. plus they're so entertaining to read!
i'm sorry for all the woes you've been having lately. at least you've kept your sense of humor about it! and p.s., thanks for commenting on my blog. it means a lot to me!

Kar said...

Dude, I didn't know that chiropractor was mean to you! And what's up with Lex commenting on your blog, but not on mine? :) Just kidding, Lex.