Dear Duckie shower curtain:
I'm so sorry I accidentally maimed you. You were a good curtain. You've been with me since college. I've loved you, and moved you, and enjoyed the privacy you gave me.
I didn't want to hurt you. Actually, I was trying to clean you, and thought I'd take the easy route and put you in my clothes washer. I didn't know you would take it so hard.
Well, so long, Duckie. It's been a wonderful friendship. I'll have to try and replace the irreplaceable.
With love, your brokenhearted former owner, Nat